…especially when its published in a newspaper like The New York Times.
My husband and I had an “interesting” discussion (more like a heated near-argument) this morning (Sunday, 4 January 2026) about an opinion piece published in The New York Times on Saturday, 3 January 2026 titled “We’re Living Through the Great Detachment.” (Here is a link to the opinion piece: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/02/opinion/americans-marriage-loneliness-love.html; although it’s behind a paywall, you might get that first free article.)
He read it first (he’d purchased a physical copy of the issue) and read aloud a couple of paragraphs to me.
I reacted. He knew I would. It’s why he does this.
I don’t mind, most of the time.
I know I have strong opinions. I have been told this by many people; usually when having a discussion about the topic I have a strong opinion about, when I don’t change my opinion to coincide with theirs. I do not deny that my opinions are strong. I read a lot (fiction and nonfiction.) I feel most of my opinions have merit. I try to listen to the other person’s opinion, unless they refuse to listen to mine (see the catch there?)
My husband got upset with my quick reaction and said I should read the whole piece. So I did (even though he interrupted me to show me a picture of a Jeep.) And my opinion did not change.
I explained to my husband that I thought the writer was trying to blame society’s issues today (this Great Detachment) on liberal young women not choosing marriage and children. He said he didn’t come to the same conclusion, implying I was “wrong.” When I tried to explain how I came to my conclusion about the opinion, he said I should read it again.
We continued our heated discussion. And then he told me it was “just an opinion.”
[Sigh.]
This essay seems to have been written by a man born in the early 1960s, so a little older than my husband and me (he writes about being 17 in 1979). The author uses the essay to attempt to explain his opinion regarding WHY we are in the Great Detachment. Although, it is a very circuitous route to get there.
[Here are some links about the Great Detachment if you are not familiar with the term:
(Note: most links I found were about detachment from jobs and the workplace.)]
[Googles automatic AI summary provided this definition: The Great Detachment refers to a philosophical and psychological concept that emphasizes the importance of distancing oneself from emotional attachments and material possessions.]
It is a well-written opinion piece, I will admit that. Which is one reason I claim that it is not “just an opinion” piece. It starts with a personal story about the writer’s life and an experience about love and the pain it can cause and how proud he is of himself that he went out and tried love again. He also explains how there are different loves: love for a spouse, for a child, for a job, for a hobby, for your country. This makes it seem that he is truly writing about all the different ways love can enhance your life.
[Personal observation here: he DOES NOT list self-love.]
But by the end, it is clear (to me anyway) that he is specifically writing about familial love; love for a spouse and love for a child. This is because about half-way through, he starts including “statistics,” about how many conservative young women prioritize marriage and children vice how many liberal young women do, vice what young men prioritize (I found it odd that young men prioritize having children higher than having a spouse.) He also includes “statistics” about how many young conservative women are happy vice the number of liberal young women.
[I did a deeper dive into some of the statistics he uses, and this is very important. You can read about that on my editing specific blog, here: https://taramoellerediting.com/?p=43 (available on 14 January 2025).)
And he, an old dude married for decades, implies (in my reading) that this discrepancy is because young liberal women are not prioritizing marriage and having a family.
My husband told me I jumped to a conclusion that was not there. That the writer was just giving his opinion.
The writer led us on a circuitous path, includes some vague statistics, to lead us to make our own opinion on what is causing this Great Detachment. This essay is trying to persuade us to conclude that young liberal women are at fault.
You see, as an ENGLISH MAJOR, I recognize this piece as a persuasive argument, which is a piece of composition meant to change your mind, or sway your opinion. It is not “just an opinion,” but an essay written specifically to sway you toward thinking the same way the writer does, even if he does not explicitly state his opinion. [Another editing blog post about persuasive arguments here: https://taramoellerediting.com/?p=37 (available on 7 January 2025).]
So, what is his opinion?
Here is a quote from the article, near the end: “If you want to lead a fulfilling life, fill it with loving attachments.” This comes just after all of his statistics about the prioritizing of marriage and children. Even though in the beginning of his essay, he described several different types of love, when it funnels toward the end of the opinion, he’s basically writing about marriage and family.
About a third of the way into his essay, he mentions that Americans are having fewer children. There are verifiable statistics about this and several articles have been written. We’ve known this was happening for a while (Time https://time.com/6970873/us-declining-birth-rate-2023-total/.) He immediately follows this by stating that Americans also have fewer friends and spend less time with the friends they have. I’ve seen articles about this, but as someone who only has a couple close friends and am perfectly happy that way, so what? Here are a couple of specific articles I found to get more information: a quick article from the APNews https://apnews.com/article/loneliness-social-disconnection-community-building-23edcca171347383787170cc5072f85a, and a more in depth article from the Pew Research Center https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/.) The article from the PRC mentions impacts from the COVID pandemic but other factors, as well.
Another quote, even closer to the end: “If you lead a life designed to maximize personal independence and autonomy, you’ll get to live a relatively unrestricted life. But you’re more likely to live a low-energy life, slower to harbor those great loves for people, places, God, vocation and nation that arouse fervent passions and yield ardent lives.”
As I observed before, no where in this article does it mention love of self. He mentions “individual autonomy” several times in his piece, usually with a negative connotation. As a woman who reads articles and follows experts who discuss bodily autonomy, specifically how this pertains to women right now (abortion, care during pregnancy, etc.), this made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. (Was the word autonomy used like a dog whistle here? What are your thoughts? Go ahead and give me a comment about that.) This alone was a red flag for me; not so much for my husband, but then, none of his bodily autonomy has ever been taken away.
It seems that the individual autonomy he is writing about pertains solely to the young women who are choosing not the get married or have children.
Huh.
I think this is a piece of propaganda, disguised as “just an opinion”, from those who want society to subjugate women again. The writer has picked statistics, using them without the context of the origins of the statistics, to lead the reader into making a specific conclusion.
And in my opinion, that opinion is that women should be married and giving men the children they want, regardless of what those women want.
[Final note: After rereading several parts of this piece to write the other two editing posts, I realized that this piece was written by David Brooks. [blink, blink, heavy weighted sigh.] If I had realized that at the beginning, when my husband handed me the newspaper, I never would have read the article to begin with.]
Tara Moeller 